What do you do, when you know something's bad for you, and you still can't let go?

Anyone can tell you, that being a teenager is hard work. Being female makes it so much harder. So many thoughts parading through my mind, I find it hard to sleep at night, just because my brain doesn't stop ticking, not even for a second.

Do you ever get that feeling, that you want something but you know it's bad for you? I do, and I wonder, why do we get ourselves into such sticky situations? When we know that it's all going to go rotten somewhere down the line. So why don't we save the heartache and just fight the urge and walk away to begin with?

In this day and age, it's hard to tell who is genuine and what emotions are genuine. I've been in many situations, where I thought someone loved me, later to realise that it was completely artificial. Call me old fashioned, but I'm the type of girl that will wear her heart on her sleeve, because I know how much pain and confusion can be created through such a masquerade. Another thing that I've noticed over the years, is that you can't tell your heart who to fall for, and that is one of the most scariest things. I'm so used to being in control of everything, that when I develop feelings for someone, I get knocked for six. I don't think people realise just how powerful emotions can be, and what effect it can have on everyday life.

I believe that everyone inherits a conscience from birth, and that it develops over the years through the environment you grow up in. I like to think of mine, as a kind of 'Jiminy Cricket' sort of entity, that steers me to right, and away from wrongdoing. Of course life is a learning curve, and mistakes will occur, but conscience helps you separate right from wrong. The conscience is very much like an internal parental figure if you will. Through experience you realise what is right and wrong, and from this you can apply your morals and virtues to any given situation.

This links me back to the title of this blog entry "What do you do, when you know something's bad for you, and you still can't let go?" This relates to a guy in my life. Over the past few months the relationship has developed and things have gotten more complicated as the days go by. I tell myself that it's a dead-end road, but something deep inside of me, tells me to carry on. I know that I'm going to end up being the one hurting, and I know he'll be completely oblivious to it all - boys will be boys. So I wonder, why has my 'Jiminy Cricket' prevented me from walking away? Surely, the conscience should steer me clear of such a hazardous situation.

My mind is officially in overdrive, my emotions are like venom seeping through my veins, dangerous territory. I can't put into words how conflicted I'm feeling currently, all I know is that deep down in the pit of my stomach, something doesn't feel right. What do you do, when you know something's bad for you, and you still can't let go? - I'm so naïve.

There's nothing wrong with a bit of rebellion.

From a young age, we are somewhat brainwashed into thinking and acting in a certain way. Society premeditates how we are going to live our lives, whether it be through gender, nationality, sexuality or status.

I have been wondering, why humanity insists on following such an obsolete set of so-called 'norms'?
We are given one of the most powerful things in life - freedom. Why do so many people choose to live up to society's demands, rather than break the mold? I have one topic in mind, although there are many others that I could have discussed alongside this initial insight. However, this is something that has been plaguing me a lot recently. The topic I have in mind, which I think is very prominent from a woman's point of view, is the idea that our overriding purpose is to marry and reproduce.

My initial thoughts are that there is nothing wrong with choosing your own destiny. I am a strong believer in living your own life, making your own mistakes and following your own path. My one pet peeve is the fact that we are given the right to choose, and we are given the freedom to make our own decisions, and so few people do what they want to do in life, as they fear what others may think or say about them. I'm forced to ask - why should we all live under a dark cloud? Why should we all live life in the same way? Surely, there is more to life than marriage and children.

In my personal opinion, marriage is solely for those wanting to start a family, as I believe that you do not need a piece of paper to prove you love someone. Love is the joining of two souls, not a bogus ceremony with a piece of paper saying you must be faithful and all that lark. If you love someone, you shouldn't have to make that promise, it should come without saying.

I know I'm still young, but I do think that I have my head screwed on. I do believe that we are, as previously mentioned "born in a land of opportunity", which leads me to point out, that I am not planning on following society's demands, and that there is nothing wrong with a bit of rebellion. I do not wish to get married, and at this stage, I do not wish to have children. I'd be quite happy with a healthy and loving relationship and being able to live life to the fullest, because after all, is that not what life is about? People that engage in no-strings-attached relationships have something right, by ridding of the commitment, they have time to explore their desires, and what they truly want in life. Every person should be able to make that decision for themselves, and not have guilt or judgement placed upon them by society.

If you were to ask me which path I was going to embark upon, I would have to tell you, I'm not quite sure. I am a hopeless romantic at heart, but I've had my heart trodden on enough to know, that there is no such thing as the 'perfect relationship'. So, I am waiting for the right time, and the right person to come along, so that the doubts fade away, and everything becomes clear. Until then, I am going to take a look at all of my options in life, and take control of my life, there's nothing wrong with a bit of rebellion now and then. Choosing to live your life by your own accord, is the greatest freedom you will ever have - believe me.

We live in a land of opportunity, not of entitlement.

Success is for the ones who step through the door of opportunity. Hold on to your dream, fight for it, and make it become reality. I've recently started on this journey, and so far, I'm winning.

I have been going through the long and tiring process of finding my first proper full-time job. I had to go through a series of CV/applicant sifts, phone interviews, psychometric tests and of course the dreaded final interview. After first applying for the position in the first week of May, I finally got the phone call, to offer me the position that I had been working so hard to attain. Opportunities are always around, in life you have to go searching from time to time, as they aren't offered to you on a silver platter. I've learnt that, when other aspects in your life may be going awry or just not as you had hoped, opportunity comes in other aspects to take your mind off of it. Life is such a clichee, it really is like a rollercoaster with all of it's ups and downs, you just have to buckle yourself in and enjoy the ride, however terrifying it may be at times.

I am the type of person that will work myself to breaking point, in order to make something of myself. I am a very determined individual, and I put my all into everything I do. I honestly think that I am a prime example for those struggling to find the motivation to carry on. I have worked hard throughout school, sixth form and various part-time jobs/volunteering in order to give myself decent building blocks in life. I've had setbacks over the years, but I've battled through them all. I'm still here determined as ever and it's paid off! Of course I have days where the pessimism takes over me - but who doesn't?!

Life is what you make of it, you need to grab it with both hands. You're only given one lifetime, so spend it wisely! You don't want to live with regrets, and you want to make all of your dreams a reality, afterall, we really do live in a land of opportunity, and not of entitlement. If you live life expecting everything to just fall into place on it's own, you won't get very far. Take life into your own hands and MAKE that opportunity a reality. Be positive, be determined, and most of all - follow your dreams!