Sometimes there isn't a reason you can put into words, you just know deep down that it is time to walk away, move on and make the most of everything else in life.
It's always hard when you have a number of people in your life that you grow fond of, and that you can picture being there for the long haul, it's even more difficult when you're unsure what the best decision would be for you, and for your life in the long term.
It's pretty amazing how someone can go from being the most important person in your life, to nothing, in less than twenty-four hours. All because of a simple comment from a friend, it finally puts things into perspective, and you ask yourself - why was I wasting my time? Okay, so this person could still be a part of your story, but they'd slip from a main character to someone in the background. Surely, you should be happy with having them in your life in some form rather than nothing, right? Wrong... it's hard to picture someone that once meant so much, as anything else. It's a hard pill to swallow, but it's just the way the cookie crumbles.
I've never claimed to have a simple life, but I don't live in some kind of soap opera either. Admittedly, sometimes I make a big deal of things that need not have such emphasis, but, that is the way I need to deal with some things, in order to wrap my head around things, in order to gain clarity and find a solution to the problems that arise. I wouldn't change my life at all, but maybe I'd try and change how I react to things.
I've finally found the strength to walk away from someone, that previously I could see myself being in a serious relationship with for the long haul. He's a great guy, and I really can't say a bad word about him, but it's about time to stop with the mind games, stop with the 'what ifs' and get on with real life, real possibilities, and move forward. If something were to happen between us, it would have happened by now, I know that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes a simple sentence is enough to seal the deal, make you change your mind.
So with all this in mind, this chapter of my life is over, it's now time to turn a page and get one step closer to that happy ending - I'm forever the optimist, and I know that true love always finds a way.
Until next time;
xoxo
Saturday, 1 September 2012
Monday, 16 July 2012
It all comes down to that one person you think about before you fall asleep
Sometimes in life, you can be fortunate enough to meet someone that makes your heart skip a beat, smile when you see each other and someone you can spend hours with, without getting bored.
Around 4-5 months ago, somebody walked into my life, and I genuinely hope that he sticks around. I'm not the type of person to necessarily believe in 'at first sight', however, it all feels different this time around. No matter what I'm doing; working, playing sports, spending time with friends - I can't help but think about what the future holds. Maybe this is the beginning of something special. Perhaps I'm on the path to my very own happily ever after... Who knows.
I'm usually a very good judge of character, and I tend to suss people out from the offset, but I'm in a knot. He's the type of person that the word 'enigma' is perfect for. I'm completely infatuated by him, there's never a dull moment with him, even if we're sat in complete silence. I'm happy to lie with him and watch the sunset, drive round the countryside, go for a drink, watch movies, go out... any amount of time I can get with him, the better. As time passes, the chemistry between us grows stronger, and I only have positive comments to make about him. Not one negative has sprung to mind, and that's either the start of something beautiful, or a worry that he's hiding something. I'm going to stick to the optimist path, and suggest that it will be the start of something beautiful, because honestly, I cannot imagine living a life without him in it.
This blog post was pretty pointless, and I apologise, it was more to form my thoughts in a semi-articulate manner, so that I can assess where I stand, and whether I need to consider anything further moving forward. So basically, I just needed to realise what I feel, and in doing that, pursue the future.
Just to end, a message to my muse:
You're my motivation, my inspiration, my present, and hopefully my future. You're one of my best friends, you're my lover, and you're like no other. Don't ever change.
Until next time, and hopefully something with better substance;
xoxo
Around 4-5 months ago, somebody walked into my life, and I genuinely hope that he sticks around. I'm not the type of person to necessarily believe in 'at first sight', however, it all feels different this time around. No matter what I'm doing; working, playing sports, spending time with friends - I can't help but think about what the future holds. Maybe this is the beginning of something special. Perhaps I'm on the path to my very own happily ever after... Who knows.
I'm usually a very good judge of character, and I tend to suss people out from the offset, but I'm in a knot. He's the type of person that the word 'enigma' is perfect for. I'm completely infatuated by him, there's never a dull moment with him, even if we're sat in complete silence. I'm happy to lie with him and watch the sunset, drive round the countryside, go for a drink, watch movies, go out... any amount of time I can get with him, the better. As time passes, the chemistry between us grows stronger, and I only have positive comments to make about him. Not one negative has sprung to mind, and that's either the start of something beautiful, or a worry that he's hiding something. I'm going to stick to the optimist path, and suggest that it will be the start of something beautiful, because honestly, I cannot imagine living a life without him in it.
This blog post was pretty pointless, and I apologise, it was more to form my thoughts in a semi-articulate manner, so that I can assess where I stand, and whether I need to consider anything further moving forward. So basically, I just needed to realise what I feel, and in doing that, pursue the future.
Just to end, a message to my muse:
You're my motivation, my inspiration, my present, and hopefully my future. You're one of my best friends, you're my lover, and you're like no other. Don't ever change.
Until next time, and hopefully something with better substance;
xoxo
Saturday, 19 May 2012
It really makes you wonder...
Firstly, sorry for not posting in a while, life's been pretty hectic from all aspects. This blog post is going to be a little more personal and less vague than my previous posts. A sort of insight into the functionality into my thoughts and inner most feelings.
I've always been a person with niggly problems health-wise due to being a premature baby, but it's only recently that different things seem to be coming out of the woodwork. As if life isn't difficult enough right now, I have to contend with health issues and numerous appointments to get everything back on track. After having this as a background into the topic I am going to be writing about, I'll now plunge into the depths of what I want to say.
For as long as humanity has roamed the planet, a woman's primary function was to bear children and care for the family whilst the man's was to provide for his family and protect them from harm. Even now in the 21st Century we still see this, only in more of a watered down fashion. Women's Rights were the turnaround in how gender roles are seen today. It may not come as much of a surprise to the majority of you, that I am very much for Equal Rights and women being able to go out and work, travel and be all she can be - not just have children and be your average housewife. Being a housewife is fine, but, I've always dreamt of more in my life, a successful career, travel, and making the most of my life and welcoming new opportunities and the challenges that pass by along the way.
Recently, I've been informed by health professionals that I may have problems/not be able to have children. I will need to have further tests before I know for sure, but I've been reading up, and 52% of women that suffer with the problem I am more than likely about to be diagnosed with, cannot bear children, and those that can, have issues throughout pregnancy. This has stopped and made me think. I've always been certain that a family isn't in my life plan, and I have never really been a 'Future Mum' type of a person, even from a young age - I was convinced there was more to life. Being faced with this potential diagnoses has made me re-evaluate my stance. Although I'm still pretty certain that a family isn't on the agenda for myself (after all, I'm nineteen, I'm not planning on any life-changing circumstances right now), the idea of not having the choice has definitely incited fear.
It really makes you wonder, how certain aspects or events in your life can make you re-think a decision, and how something you never thought you would worry about, has you shedding a tear. I'm lucky to have the most amazing family, and friends in my life, as without them, I don't know what I'd do. They keep me grounded, and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I know that nothing is set in stone yet, but at least with the research I have done, if I am in fact diagnosed with this problem, there are medical answers to symptoms and there are things that can be done where fertility is concerned. It's definitely calmed my nerves looking into things, as I know what I could potentially be faced with. I would definitely recommend anyone that is worried about a health issue to discuss it with a professional, ask for recommended reading, and avoid scaremongering websites to make things worse.
Until next time;
xoxo
I've always been a person with niggly problems health-wise due to being a premature baby, but it's only recently that different things seem to be coming out of the woodwork. As if life isn't difficult enough right now, I have to contend with health issues and numerous appointments to get everything back on track. After having this as a background into the topic I am going to be writing about, I'll now plunge into the depths of what I want to say.
For as long as humanity has roamed the planet, a woman's primary function was to bear children and care for the family whilst the man's was to provide for his family and protect them from harm. Even now in the 21st Century we still see this, only in more of a watered down fashion. Women's Rights were the turnaround in how gender roles are seen today. It may not come as much of a surprise to the majority of you, that I am very much for Equal Rights and women being able to go out and work, travel and be all she can be - not just have children and be your average housewife. Being a housewife is fine, but, I've always dreamt of more in my life, a successful career, travel, and making the most of my life and welcoming new opportunities and the challenges that pass by along the way.
Recently, I've been informed by health professionals that I may have problems/not be able to have children. I will need to have further tests before I know for sure, but I've been reading up, and 52% of women that suffer with the problem I am more than likely about to be diagnosed with, cannot bear children, and those that can, have issues throughout pregnancy. This has stopped and made me think. I've always been certain that a family isn't in my life plan, and I have never really been a 'Future Mum' type of a person, even from a young age - I was convinced there was more to life. Being faced with this potential diagnoses has made me re-evaluate my stance. Although I'm still pretty certain that a family isn't on the agenda for myself (after all, I'm nineteen, I'm not planning on any life-changing circumstances right now), the idea of not having the choice has definitely incited fear.
It really makes you wonder, how certain aspects or events in your life can make you re-think a decision, and how something you never thought you would worry about, has you shedding a tear. I'm lucky to have the most amazing family, and friends in my life, as without them, I don't know what I'd do. They keep me grounded, and tell me that everything's going to be okay. I know that nothing is set in stone yet, but at least with the research I have done, if I am in fact diagnosed with this problem, there are medical answers to symptoms and there are things that can be done where fertility is concerned. It's definitely calmed my nerves looking into things, as I know what I could potentially be faced with. I would definitely recommend anyone that is worried about a health issue to discuss it with a professional, ask for recommended reading, and avoid scaremongering websites to make things worse.
Until next time;
xoxo
Saturday, 25 February 2012
A little bit more informal...
Yesterday was a clash of the titans. I took part in Wales(Cardiff) V England(Cheltenham) in netball, alongside the rugby and football games that the men took part in. I'd been training with the girls for a long time, week in and week out, and it was time to bring everything to the table, and show the Welsh girls what we could do!
The results luckily went our way in 2 out of the 3 sporting events - no prizes for guessing which event was won by the Welsh... *cough* Rugby *cough*. It was a result in the end as we won the netball game 30-20. All of the hard work paid off, and I'm looking forward to our squad going from strength to strength.
Afterwards we had an open bar at the local sports club, so drinks were flowing with the footballers and rugby players and of course the netballers. Good company, a bit of food and then off out for a night on the tiles. We lost count of the amount of drinks consumed and we bar/club hopped until the wee hours in the morning. I can honestly say, it was really nice to let my hair down and just go out and have a good time, especially with something to celebrate.
I'll be back soon with a more articulate, thoughtful blog post.
Until next time;
xoxo
The results luckily went our way in 2 out of the 3 sporting events - no prizes for guessing which event was won by the Welsh... *cough* Rugby *cough*. It was a result in the end as we won the netball game 30-20. All of the hard work paid off, and I'm looking forward to our squad going from strength to strength.
Afterwards we had an open bar at the local sports club, so drinks were flowing with the footballers and rugby players and of course the netballers. Good company, a bit of food and then off out for a night on the tiles. We lost count of the amount of drinks consumed and we bar/club hopped until the wee hours in the morning. I can honestly say, it was really nice to let my hair down and just go out and have a good time, especially with something to celebrate.
I'll be back soon with a more articulate, thoughtful blog post.
Until next time;
xoxo
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Age is just a number, right?
I've recently been having a debate via several social networking sites, I thought that my blog would be the perfect place to report back my feelings and thoughts, and reflect on some of the comments made by my peers.
'Age is just a number, right?' - Let's assume for all intents and purposes that all of the parties concerned are of or over the consenting age.
I understand that if you love someone, then you love someone. You can't tell your heart who to fall in love with, and at the same time you don't fall in love with someone just for their age. I find it extremely difficult to look past some of these differences. For example Bryan Ferry (Famous Singer from Roxymusic) who is 66/67 has just married a 29 year old. In my opinion, that's ludicrous. However, if the parties in question are in love and are happy, I am also of the opinion that it is their decision, nobody else can comment on what they do not know or fully understand. They must be living two very different lifestyle, one that may be ready to start a family, and the other who may already have a family and is in the relationship for completely different reasons - i.e. physical aspect only.
There are two main schools of thought on this subject. Larger age gaps are completely unacceptable on the one hand, and it's up to those involved on the other. I honestly don't know where I sit on this particular situation. Is it all a bit taboo? Society perceives things in different ways, and everyones' moral compass is different, but is it situational? Does it depend on who is involved, what ages they are, or does it really not make a blind bit of difference? Can people be happy regardless of the judgement and with people frowning on their decisions.
I realise I'm getting overly philosophical over this, but I needed to get it in black and white, structure my thoughts, as I'm completely on the fence. Personally, my instincts tell me that it's not normal - but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not right. At the same time I know people that have made larger age gaps work and are the epitome of happiness and I wholeheartedly support their decisions. I'm also of the opinion that people can make their own decisions and it's up to them what is right/wrong in each situation. We shouldn't judge their relationships as we do not understand what they feel/think, but I cannot help but wonder how the topic has attracted such negative connotations both in media and society in so-called 'modern day'.
Age gaps in relationships can make for a fully-functional set-up. They can also create problems due to those concerned being worlds apart in upbringing or culture for example. I personally think that it is down to the individual to make such a situation work and result in a successful and long term relationship.
Although I am no closer to a clear-cut decision, I am much clearer on both sides of the argument and I will think hard before passing judgement (not that I did anyway) as I don't understand all the details in someone elses' lives. I am fully supportive of those that choose to go ahead with this kind of relationship, but I also don't blame those that steer clear of such a thing all together.
Until next time,
xoxo
'Age is just a number, right?' - Let's assume for all intents and purposes that all of the parties concerned are of or over the consenting age.
I understand that if you love someone, then you love someone. You can't tell your heart who to fall in love with, and at the same time you don't fall in love with someone just for their age. I find it extremely difficult to look past some of these differences. For example Bryan Ferry (Famous Singer from Roxymusic) who is 66/67 has just married a 29 year old. In my opinion, that's ludicrous. However, if the parties in question are in love and are happy, I am also of the opinion that it is their decision, nobody else can comment on what they do not know or fully understand. They must be living two very different lifestyle, one that may be ready to start a family, and the other who may already have a family and is in the relationship for completely different reasons - i.e. physical aspect only.
There are two main schools of thought on this subject. Larger age gaps are completely unacceptable on the one hand, and it's up to those involved on the other. I honestly don't know where I sit on this particular situation. Is it all a bit taboo? Society perceives things in different ways, and everyones' moral compass is different, but is it situational? Does it depend on who is involved, what ages they are, or does it really not make a blind bit of difference? Can people be happy regardless of the judgement and with people frowning on their decisions.
I realise I'm getting overly philosophical over this, but I needed to get it in black and white, structure my thoughts, as I'm completely on the fence. Personally, my instincts tell me that it's not normal - but that doesn't necessarily mean it's not right. At the same time I know people that have made larger age gaps work and are the epitome of happiness and I wholeheartedly support their decisions. I'm also of the opinion that people can make their own decisions and it's up to them what is right/wrong in each situation. We shouldn't judge their relationships as we do not understand what they feel/think, but I cannot help but wonder how the topic has attracted such negative connotations both in media and society in so-called 'modern day'.
Age gaps in relationships can make for a fully-functional set-up. They can also create problems due to those concerned being worlds apart in upbringing or culture for example. I personally think that it is down to the individual to make such a situation work and result in a successful and long term relationship.
Although I am no closer to a clear-cut decision, I am much clearer on both sides of the argument and I will think hard before passing judgement (not that I did anyway) as I don't understand all the details in someone elses' lives. I am fully supportive of those that choose to go ahead with this kind of relationship, but I also don't blame those that steer clear of such a thing all together.
Until next time,
xoxo
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!
Well, 2011 is officially over and it is now 2012 - see the world didn't end!
2011 had so many highs and lows, ups and downs, with a few roundabouts chucked in. It was definitely a year to remember, for some good and some bad reasons. I will never forget some of the friendships that were made and developed throughout the year, I know I've made some friends for life, and I honestly do not know what I would do without them.
A lot of friendships were severed in 2011, and it's truly made me realise who deserves my time, and who doesn't. Friendship is a two-way street and if they aren't willing to reciprocate then I don't see why I should be the one making all of the effort. From now on, if they want me in their life, they're going to have to do something about it, I'm sick of being the only person that tries in certain friendships/relationships. I don't think any lower of any of these people, I just cherish the good times that we shared, there's no point thinking negatively of anyone unless they've given you a really good reason to.
My family also mean the world to me, we've had a rollercoaster of a year. New lives were brought into the family, and several lost. My love is with those that are no longer with us, I miss them incredibly, but I know they're in a better place looking down on us, and we're going to make them proud.
2011 was a year of success, from passing my A-Levels, to starting on a decent career path and starting University. I gained 2 distinctions (1:1's) in my first University Modules, and I intend on continuing the success into 2012. It was also a year of 'firsts'. First proper full-time job, first backstage pass at a concert, first night out on the tiles with my big sister, first 'modern' Christmas and first time out of education.
Without meaning to sound too clicheed, this is going to be a better year, although there has been lots of positives that have occurred in 2011, I intend on 2012 being sooo much better. Planning on healthy eating coming back, dieting, back to the gym, back to netball training, few holidays and new antics with the girls, starting that journey from teenage years to adulthood - getting my first place of my own.
I hope you had a brilliant 2011, and I wish you all the best of happiness in 2012.
Until next time,
xoxoxo
2011 had so many highs and lows, ups and downs, with a few roundabouts chucked in. It was definitely a year to remember, for some good and some bad reasons. I will never forget some of the friendships that were made and developed throughout the year, I know I've made some friends for life, and I honestly do not know what I would do without them.
A lot of friendships were severed in 2011, and it's truly made me realise who deserves my time, and who doesn't. Friendship is a two-way street and if they aren't willing to reciprocate then I don't see why I should be the one making all of the effort. From now on, if they want me in their life, they're going to have to do something about it, I'm sick of being the only person that tries in certain friendships/relationships. I don't think any lower of any of these people, I just cherish the good times that we shared, there's no point thinking negatively of anyone unless they've given you a really good reason to.
My family also mean the world to me, we've had a rollercoaster of a year. New lives were brought into the family, and several lost. My love is with those that are no longer with us, I miss them incredibly, but I know they're in a better place looking down on us, and we're going to make them proud.
2011 was a year of success, from passing my A-Levels, to starting on a decent career path and starting University. I gained 2 distinctions (1:1's) in my first University Modules, and I intend on continuing the success into 2012. It was also a year of 'firsts'. First proper full-time job, first backstage pass at a concert, first night out on the tiles with my big sister, first 'modern' Christmas and first time out of education.
Without meaning to sound too clicheed, this is going to be a better year, although there has been lots of positives that have occurred in 2011, I intend on 2012 being sooo much better. Planning on healthy eating coming back, dieting, back to the gym, back to netball training, few holidays and new antics with the girls, starting that journey from teenage years to adulthood - getting my first place of my own.
I hope you had a brilliant 2011, and I wish you all the best of happiness in 2012.
Until next time,
xoxoxo
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